Fortunately, these odd experiments have produced some fascinating insights into the origins and functions of fear — which may come in handy for parents dealing with monsters in the closet, or a crying toddler at the zoo.
Scientists have identified two types of fear. The vast majority of fears are learned, but studies suggest that all mammals have only two basic, innate fears: fear of falling and fear of loud noises. You could be harmed! So you react. The gazillion other fears that keep children up nights are rarely innate.
Instead, most researchers suspect that fears are learned in various ways. Hoehl is not convinced. Last year, she published a study that demonstrated this in 6-month-olds. This comes as they start to see outside of themselves and realise that bad things can happen to the people they love. This can also show itself as a fear of the dark — because we all know the spooky things love it there.
These are the sorts of things that might unsettle all of us from time to time. They might scare themselves trying to explain where scary things come from. Lightning might mean the sky is about to catch fire. They might start to worry about something happening to themselves or the people or pets they care about. This is because they will start to have an increased dependence on their friendships as they gear up for adolescence. One of the primary developmental goals of adolescence is figuring out how they are and where they fit into the world.
As they do this, they will start to worry about what other people think. They also have the job of moving towards independence from you. What their friends think will take on a new importance as they start to make the move away from their family tribe and towards their peer one.
This fear will probably have more muscle if they hear of someone around them becoming sick or getting hurt. During adolescence, they will be particularly prone to taking silly risks. With their increasing time on social media, they will tend to hear about bad news more often and come to believe that the risk of it happening to them is greater than it actually is. It sounds dramatic and for them, it is — but there is a good reason for this. For all mammals throughout history think cave-people and in nature, exclusion from the tribe means has meant almost certain death.
That, and because the way their face lights up when they see you is gorgeous. Practice leaving the room for short periods at a time so your baby can learn that you will always come back. Start with a minute, then, when your baby is ready, move up from there. When you are ready to leave them in the care of others, start with people they are familiar with for short periods, then work gently up from there.
Saying goodbye is the most important thing to do when you leave them. It will be worth it in the long run. Give them all the information they need to put their scary things in context, where they belong.
Make the most of it. By the time they reach adolescence, you will no longer be as smart or sought after as you think you should be. Celebrate their curiosity and feed it. They love hearing the detail of everything you know. Some kids will love new things and will want to try everything and speak to everyone.
Others will take longer to warm up. Play is such an important part of learning about the world. So much of their play is actually a rehearsal for real life.
If your child is scared of something, introduce it during play. Give them some ideas, but let them take it from there. Through play they can practice their responses, different scenarios, and get comfortable with scary things from a safe distance. If you scoop your child up every time they become scared, you might be inadvertently reinforcing the fear.
It makes things better in the short term, but in the long term will keep the fear well fed. The more something is avoided, the more that avoidance is confirmed as the only way to feel safe. It also takes away the opportunity for your child to learn that they are resilient, strong and resourceful enough to cope. Introduce the fear gently, in a way that your child can feel as though they have control. If your child is terrified of dogs, introduce them to dogs i n books, in a movie, through a pet shop window, behind a fence.
Do this gradually and in small steps, starting with the least scariest maybe a picture of a dog and working up in gently to the fear that upsets them most patting a real dog. The more you can help them to feel empowered and in control of their world, the braver they will feel. For a more detailed step by step description of how to do this, see here. If your child has had a genuine fright or is a little broken-hearted, there is nothing like a cuddle and reassurance to steady the ground beneath them.
When that reassurance is excessive though, it can confirm that there is something to be worried about. It can also take away their opportunity to grow their own confidence and ability to self-soothe. Finding the scaffold between an anxious thought and a brave response is something every child is capable of. Understandably, it can be wildly difficult to hold off on reassurance, particularly when all you want to do is scoop them up and protect them from the world that they are feeling the hard edges of.
What is healthier, is setting them on a course that will empower them to find within themselves the strength and resources to manage their own fear or anxiety. Reassure them, then remind them that they know the answer, or lovingly direct them to find their own answers or evidence to back up their concerns.
Let them know you love the way they are starting to think about these things for themselves. Fear might show itself in physical ways. Children might have shaky hands, they might suck their thumbs or their fingers and they might develop nervous little tics. When this happens, respond to the feelings behind the physical symptoms — fear, insecurity, uncertainty. Toys or special things might be a familiar passenger wherever your child goes.
Let this happen. Your child will let go of the toy or whatever special thing they have when they are ready. Security blankets will often be the bridge between the unknown and familiar, and will form a strong foundation upon which they will build confidence and trust in their own capacity to cope with new and unfamiliar things. If you can, watch their shows with them to understand how they are making sense of what they see. Some kids will handle anything they see, and others will turn it into a brilliant but terrifying nightmare or vivid thoughts that become a little too pushy.
If they see you terrified of dogs, it will easy for them to learn this same response. Remember though, if you can influence their fears, you can influence their courage. Let them see you being brave whenever you can.
Let them talk about their fears. Talking about feelings connects the literal left side of the brain to the emotional right side of the brain. When there is a strong connection between the right brain and the left brain, children will start to make sense of their experience, rather than being barrelled by big feelings that make no sense to them at all.
Often though, fears are a sign that your child is travelling along just as he or she should be. The world can be a confusing place — even for adults. Of course, sometimes fear will lead to a healthy avoidance — snakes, spiders, crossing a busy road. Sometimes though, fear will be a burly imposter that pretends to be scarier than it is.
Fears are proof that your child is learning more about the world, sharpening their minds, expanding their sense of the world and what it means to them, and learning about their own capacity to cope. Great article that makes me understand my 10 years old daughter fear and anxiety. Or as you mentioned that this fear is normal and it will disappear soon? My child has had several ordeals he has been through. However none have effected him turning off his light and saying goodnight to our knowledge.
He recently asked for a night light… no biggie. Then I noticed accidentally left his light on a few times. I bought him a nice mood lamp, a cool lava lamp and Ill see if we can light up other ways besides watt, lol.
I seen a neat solar system light for the ceiling. Ages — separation from parent, dogs, darkness, sleeping alone, monsters, bugs, strangers, getting lost, thunder, injury, illness, death. Ages — dogs, school issues, performance anxiety, social anxiety, fires, heights, darkness, thunderstorms, burglars, kidnappers, injury, illness, death, natural disasters, nuclear war.
Teens — school issues, performance anxiety, social anxiety, personal future, natural disasters, nuclear war. Some children are naturally more fearful than others. If you are still concerned that your child seems unusually anxious, however, you may want to consider whether your child exhibits some of the characteristics in the list below. If you have any doubts at all, you should seek professional advice. Separation Anxiety Disorder — extreme reluctance to leave home, parents or caregiver.
Tell your baby when you are leaving the room or going out and announce your arrival when you come back. This helps them to trust you. Allow your baby to get to know new people from the safety of your lap. Let them see that you know the new person is okay. If your baby is anxious, reassure them with a calm and confident expression.
Common fears for toddlers Children aged around two to three years are only just starting to learn how to cope with their strong feelings, such as anger. Suggestions for helping your toddler include: Encourage your child to talk about their fears and anxieties. Help them to get used to it slowly.
Accept that you may have to help your child avoid the feared object for a while. Common fears for children of primary school age As a child learns more about the world, the list of things they fear tends to grow.
Suggestions for helping your child include: Let your child know that you take their fears seriously. Give your child truthful information on topics such as death or war, and let them know you are willing to answer any questions. Encourage your child to confront the object of their fear, such as dogs, one step at a time at their own pace. For example, perhaps start with pictures, then try a very small, gentle dog that is tied up, so the child decides how close to get. Allow your child some control.
For example, if they are afraid of intruders, make shutting and locking their bedroom window one of their night-time responsibilities. Daily routines and rituals give a child a sense of stability and security, and may ease general anxiety. Fear of the dark Many children are afraid of the dark.
Suggestions include: Ask them to tell you about their fears and what exactly makes them afraid. Reassure them that they are safe; explain there are no such things as monsters. If your child is afraid of the dark because of the possibility of intruders, it may help to show them the security measures around the house, such as locks.
However, never lock a deadlock while people are inside the house, as it may block escape in a fire or other emergency. Ask your child for suggestions on what would make them feel more secure.
Offer suggestions yourself. Perhaps they would feel better if they took a special toy or comforter to bed.
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